i-killed-the-tree-of-life:

emperor-kai:

You feel water drip on your face in the middle of the night.

You open your eyes.

You gasp.

Kris is above you.

He’s crying on your face.

Because you didn’t keep his secret.

WAIT WHAT SECRET 

omFG

recreationalcannibalism:

the-adequate-gatsby:

stultifyandstupefy:

derpes:

And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”

And Abraham replied, “What.”

God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.

And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”

To which they responded, “Gay.” 

And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.